Saturday, May 7, 2011

Mammograms

I went in for a baseline mammogram last week and within a couple of hours was called back in for additional views. Yesterday I went in and for the next 1.5 hours had to endure the vice like grip on my right breast, the agony of waiting for 45 minutes for some sort of answers, and the additional misery of sitting through an ultrasound for another 45 minutes while they looked at my breast tissue.

They found a mass and a bunch of other triggers that concern them. Basically I have a bunch of calcification next to my areola which is also encompassing a mass. I knew something was wrong when the radiology tech took 45 minutes to come back and tell me they were doing an ultrasound, and especially when the Radiologist came in and scrutinized the ultrasound live.

My suspicions were confirmed when he pulled up a chair, and in a voice which reminded me of a Funeral Director coordinating a funeral, told me what they believed was going on. All I heard was a four letter acronym called DCIS, calcification, blah blah, tissue, blah blah, biopsy, blah blah...wait!? BIOPSY? Huh?

So, they scheduled it for today. The sooner the better. Having just been blindsided with the news, I sat there stunned and then burst into tears. My mother is a breast cancer survivor. All I could think of was her and what I went through 20 years ago. The painful memories flooded me and I cried for the unknown. What was happening? Was i dying? Is it treatable? What am I going to do? I hope it isn't cancer. Will I have children? What about my husband....what will he do?

I am numb. My mind is vacant. I don't know what to do....I am 38 years old. I am not supposed to be battling something like this, but I trust God and this is HIS war to wage.
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1 comment:

Favian said...

While I don't know exactly what you are going through right now my friend, I do know how empty one can feel and how hopeless you can become when you have more questions than answers. Sometimes it just makes the burden a little bit easier when you have someone that you can talk to and I want you to know that if you ever have the need to just let go, trust in Him and talk with me.

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