Saturday, May 29, 2010

My Life As The Third Wheel



I keep joking that I need to carry a lifesize cardboard cutout of Ben around with me and document my experiences/adventures. After tonight I am seriously considering it. I met up with a few friends at Forsyth Park for the annual SCAD alumni concert to see G Love and Special Sauce. The music bored me, but that is besides the point. With everybody coupled up, Ben's absence made things awkward and I felt like a third wheel. To amuse myself I repeatedly pulled my phone out to check and see if he had logged on to google talk yet.

As stoned hippies danced to the hypnotic riffs emenating from the stage, I wanted to do something or even share the amusement of people watching with Ben. Sadly, this was not going to be the case, so I sat there with an overwhelming sense of sadness that 7500 miles separated us and there wasn't a darn thing I could do abou it. I don't know how other Army wives handle things, but I think a little comedic relief to break up the monotony of this deployment is in order.

What do you think?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Perfect Peace

Isaiah 26:3 You (God) will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

Another base was attacked tonight in Afghanistan. There is nothing like the awareness of friends stationed all over the place, which leverages an attitude of prayer in response. I worry for the safety of our Warriors over there, and pray for the peace of their families.

My heart also goes out to the precious people of Afghanistan who have known nothing but war. Imagine if the United States had something like the Taliban attempting to rule. Right now the Taliban are stopping at nothing to mandate rules and regulations to snuff out the sweet essence of freedom for the Afghani people.

I often speculate the people of Afghanistan have the same fears we do about war, death and dying, yet we sit here relatively safe and they are more alert to the dangers around them. In some ways I envy their position.

Think back to the tragedy of 9-11. As the towers fell, a horrified nation wept for the invasion which had taken place within our borders, and our conscience was raised to do something in retaliation. Months later the opportunity arose as we massed a force and did the best we could to chase Osama Bin Laden somewhere into the mountains of Bora Bora. As we launched rockets, mortars and air strikes, many Americans sat glued to their chairs watching the news to learn of his fate. Even now we wonder if he is dead or alive, but nontheless our cry of freedom has been cauterized by politics and fear of the unknown.

With Ben overseas, the pain of being separated by duty is real, yet we are united by love. I for one remain at peace and rest under the comfort that no matter what happens, my God has him in the center of His perfect will. Are we a nation of passion or passionate people driven by purpose? Whether we like it or not, we are at war and fight we must until somebody wins. I pray our hearts and minds stay focused in on God so His peace swaddles us despite the storm brewing around us.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Secret Place

Even in the midst of war, Ben is protected in the Secret Place of the Almighty....Psalm 91. And with that comfort, I relax....

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

My guy bucket list

I have to brag on my husband a little bit.  Of all the guys in the world I have dated, this one takes the cake.  You see, I am a hopeless romantic who drafted a bucket list back in 2006 of what I wanted in the man I married.  You are probably thinking I am a bit unrealistic for having done so and there is no denying the fact I went through my fair share of heartache in order to find him, but nonetheless he managed to surpass all of my expectations.  Here is a snapshot of what I asked God for…


 

6-1, blue eyes, outdoorsy, love his family, loves me, loves God, romantic, creative, etc…..the list goes on and on and on.  He surpassed my expectations.  Ben is 6-1 with piercing blue eyes, a shock of platinum white hair, loves to be out and about out in nature, loves his family, loves me to the depths of his core and loved God with all of his being.  He has a passion for photography and loves taking pictures of everything.  I love how unafraid he is to express his feelings, yet he is all guy. He gets along with everybody and I love experiencing his zeal for life.


 

I can let my hair down around him and he never stops telling me how beautiful I am to him.  Without fail he tells me that even though neither one of us are perfect, we are perfect for each other and in his mind that makes our marriage perfect.  He fits me like a glove and I thank God every single day for Ben.


 

Even in the midst of this deployment, I am grateful for his love and affection and am even more amazed at his growth and commitment to God.  He epitomizes the grace and love of God and for me there is no better guy I could have ended up marrying. My bucket has overflowed, my expectations exceeded and i am humbled because of God’s provision in my life.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Sacrifice, Duty and Honor

I am numb. I just found out that a friend I used to talk to on the phone almost daily lost her husband to an IED on 7th of December 2009 in Afghanistan. No wonder I have not heard from her or seen her on yahoo. The amazing thing about this lady is she was the ultimate example of an Army wife and did so much to take care of her Soldier and the Soldiers within his unit. She loved putting together care packages, was a hopeless romantic and has been through hell these past four years. First, she lost her best friend to an IED in 2006 and now her husband has also fallen. I wonder how she is shouldering it all and caring for her young child.

This is the second wife I have known who has lost her husband to the War on Terror. I am grasping for understanding and with my own husband deployed, it makes me realize just how valuable every single moment spent with him is in the context of life. Let me tell you what it is like to be an Army wife and send your spouse off into a warzone. It can be devastating emotionally and hits every single army wife hard in one form or another. Most of us have learned how to handle it by sucking it up out in public and learning to smother our tears in the remnants of our husband's clothing. Our Soldier's essence is what we cling to in place of their absence.

One of the things which has frustrated me the most is how people react to the news that we have sent our loved ones off into battle. They treat us as if we are mourning a death and more often than not leave us alone to fend for ourselves. For most of us, that is the last thing we need. I feel like a failure for not having paid more attention to those around me and even more of a failure for not being more intentional with my friendships. My heart grieves for Jenny. I could have done so much more to invest in her life. Her husband's death is why I am going after my Master's Degree in Counseling. I want to make a difference, for everytime I close my eyes I see the faces of families all across the world impacted by the sacrifice they make for family and country and their pain drives me forward.

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