You Know You're An Army Wife

You know you're an Army wife when...

...you can unpack a house and have everything in place in 48 hours
...you string Constantina wire to keep the neighbor's kids out of your flower beds
...your husband's work and dress clothes cost more than yours do
...you've changed more oil and mowed more lawns than your husband because he's never there to do it himself
...you use a crook-neck flashlight with a red lens during power outages because it's the only one you can ever find in the house
...your children say "hooah" or "roger that" instead of "ok"
...you know that it's normal to light shoe polish on fire and that the best way to spit-shine boots is with cotton balls
...your husband does a route recon and takes a GPS for a trip to the mall
...you only write in pencil because EVERYTHING is subject to change
...you need a translator to talk to your civilian friends, only because they have no idea what DFAS, AER, TDY, ACS, NPD, PCS, and ETS mean
...you have a larger selection of curtains than Walmart does
...you can remember where you kept the Scotch tape in your last house, but unfortunately, not in this one
...you mark time in duty stations, not years
...you refer to friends not only by name but by the state that they live in
...you know that "back home" doesn't mean at the house you live in now
...you tear up when you hear "Proud to Be An American," even though you've heard it 50 times by now
...you know that a 2 month separation IS short, no matter what your civilian friends say
...you ALWAYS know when payday is and get ticked off if there are more than 2 weekends during that pay period
...you know better than to go to the PX or commissary between 11:30 and 13:00 unless it's a life or death emergency
...you show your military ID to the greeter at Walmart
...you know that any reference to "sand" or a "box" describes NTC at Ft. Irwin, not your kid's backyard toys
...you know that "Ft. Puke" is a completely accurate description of Ft. Polk
...you find yourself explaining your husband's LES to him
...you have enough camouflage in your house to wallpaper the White House
...you don't have to think about what time 21:30 is
...you've ever been referred to as "Household 6"
...you're the TC, not a backseat driver
...you start ripping open MREs and looking for the M&Ms when you run out of Halloween candy