There are so many irrational thoughts hitting my brain right now about him being gone. With so much responsibility also comes the realization that none of it matters if I don’t continue to invest in my relationship with him. I need to let go and trust God that He is going to take care of everything. It took a lot for me to give my heart to somebody. More than a year ago I was in love with somebody else who stomped on it and thought he could sneak by and communicate with another female behind my back. My gut told me that something wasn’t right and sure enough, a little sleuthing unearthed so much more. I have problems with trust. Ben has my heart and I have no reason not to trust him, but when I see other girls become his friend on Facebook, this green headed monster raises its head and attacks my soul. Granted most of them are people he went to High School with, but still.
I trust him. I love him. It’s just hard being separated from the one you love. Too many years of being cheated on by other boyfriends have ruined it for me. Yet Ben is nothing like any of them.
He has my heart. God has my heart.
Deployments are tumultuous things to have to contend with.
I miss him so much.